Best Quotes of All Time | Funny Quotes | Quote of the Day | Links | About

Garrison Keillor Quotes and Sayings
Quotes by Garrison Keillor

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is,
he's stuck with so many bad actors
who don't know how to play funny.
- Garrison Keillor

Related topics: Funny

Thank you, God, for this good life
and forgive us if we do not love it enough.
- Garrison Keillor

Nothing you do for a child is ever wasted.
- Garrison Keillor

We have nearly complete misunderstanding between
people of different faiths in Lake Wobegon,
and that's probably one reason why we get along so very well.
It's when you are trying to convince another person to think
the same way that you do that there is
friction and trouble between people.
But when you feel that the other person is
dumber than dirt, too dumb for words -
why waste your breath - you get along pretty well.
There's no bond between people that's quite so strong as
when people each feel slightly superior towards the other one.
- Garrison Keillor

God Quotes and Sayings

You may call God love, you may call God goodness.
But the best name for God is compassion.
- Meister Eckhart

In great contests, each party claims to act
in accordance with the will of God.
Both may be, and one must be wrong.
- Abraham Lincoln

Each one prays to God according to his own light.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Infinite striving to be the best is man's duty;
it is its own reward.
Everything else is in God's hands.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

I am prepared to meet my Maker.
Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal
of meeting me is another matter.
- Winston Churchill

God has given you one face, and you make yourself another.
- William Shakespeare

Mother is the name for God
in the lips and hearts of little children.
- William Makepeace Thackeray

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.
- Reinhold Niebuhr (Serenity Prayer)

God is at play,
I am his modeling clay.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When one gets angry, it is always angry AT someone -
perhaps a friend or spouse, perhaps a stranger,
perhaps the nameless "they" - "those people at the bank wronged me,"
perhaps God, or perhaps oneself.
In any case, when one gets angry,
they want to find someone to be "responsible" for what happened.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Part of our essential humanity is paying respect to what God gave us
and what will be here a long time after we're gone.
- William J. Clinton

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories

Every creature is a word of God.
- Meister Eckhart

I love to think of nature as an unlimited broadcasting station,
through which God speaks to us every hour, if we will only tune in.
- George Washington Carver

Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death

Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything beautiful,
for beauty is God's handwriting.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

God doesn't make junk.
- Anonymous

I believe in God, only I spell it Nature.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

God Loves an Open Mind, Clean Hands, and a Loving Heart.
So does Your Mother.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

From the solemn gloom of the temple
children run out to sit in the dust,
God watches them play and forgets the priest.
- Rabindranath Tagore

Security is not the absence of danger,
but the presence of God,
no matter what the danger.
- Anonymous

God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers.
- Jewish Proverb

It takes a long while for a naturally trustful person
to reconcile himself to the idea that
after all God will not help him
- H. L. Mencken

God has entrusted me with myself.
- Epictetus

Friends are God's apology for relations.
- Hugh Kingsmille

I try to give to the poor people for love
what the rich could get for money.
No, I wouldn't touch a leper for a thousand pounds;
yet I willingly cure him for the love of God.
- Mother Teresa

Anger is something that each one of us has experienced -
some of us only occasionally, some almost daily.
Can we eliminate all anger? Probably not.
We will always have expectations,
and those expectations will often be unmet.
Disappointment is the principle cause of anger.
When we are disappointed, we look for someone to blame.
Declaring someone to be at fault is the nature of anger.
Anger is always directed at someone -
possibly toward God or the non-specific "they,"
but at some animate entity.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Friends are God's way of apologizing to us for our families.
- Anonymous

My religion is based on truth and non-violence.
Truth is my God. Non-violence is the means of realizing Him.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

God helps them that help themselves.
- Algernon Sidney

The self-assured believer is a greater sinner
in the eyes of God than the troubled disbeliever
- Soren Kierkegaard

Know thyself, and thou shalt know the Universe and God.
- Pythagoras

Because we believe that our ethnic group,
our society, our political party, our God,
is better than your God, we kill each other.
- Neale Donald Walsch

It does me no injury for my neighbor to say
there are twenty gods or no God.
- Thomas Jefferson

The function of prayer is not to influence God,
but rather to change the nature of the one who prays.
- Soren Kierkegaard

God does not play dice.
- Albert Einstein

A vow is a purely religious act
which cannot be taken in a fit of passion.
It can be taken only with a mind purified
and composed and with God as witness.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

God reigns when we take a liberal view.
- Henry David Thoreau

Man plans, God laughs
- Yiddish Proverb

There are people in the world so hungry,
that God cannot appear to them
except in the form of bread.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Every child comes with the message
that God is not yet discouraged of man.
- Rabindranath Tagore

I do not want to foresee the future.
I am concerned with taking care of the present.
God has given me no control over the moment following.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

There is no chance and anarchy in the universe.
All is system and gradation.
Every god is there sitting in his sphere.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Friends are the siblings God never gave us.
- Mencius

The meaning of our self is not to be found
in its separateness from God and others,
but in the ceaseless realization of yoga, of union.
- Rabindranath Tagore

It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died.
Rather we should thank God that such men lived.
- George S. Patton

I left the "eye for an eye" God
when I walked out of Bible school,
but God Within is a daily part of my personal experience.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I distrust those people who know so well
what God wants them to do,
because I notice it always coincides
with their own desires.
- Susan B. Anthony

I cannot imagine a God who rewards and punishes
the objects of his creation
and is but a reflection of human frailty.
- Albert Einstein

To know God, watch a butterfly return to the same tree -
after a year and a thousand miles.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I haven't got any special religion this morning.
My God is the God of Walkers.
If you walk hard enough,
you probably don't need any other god.
- Bruce Chatwin

Without music, life would be a mistake...
I would only believe in a God who knew how to dance.
- Friedrich Nietzsche

I do not believe in the God of theology
who rewards good and punishes evil.
- Albert Einstein

I am still amazed at how big, how enormous
a love and mystery God is -
and how small are the minds
that attempt to corral
this life force into rules and taboos,
cults and sects.
- Bono

Religion often gets in the way of God.
- Bono

The universe must exist for the self-expression
of God and the delight of God.
- Ernest Holmes

God always takes the simplest way.
- Albert Einstein

I'm not religious at all,
but I believe in God very strongly.
- Bono

If I am capable of grasping God objectively,
I do not believe, but precisely because
I cannot do this I must believe.
- Soren Kierkegaard

The end of life is to be like God,
and the soul following God will be like Him.
- Socrates

We should take care not to make the intellect our god;
it has, of course, powerful muscles, but no personality.
- Albert Einstein

When the vast cathedral of our being
becomes a sanctuary for all creation,
we become the face of God.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Difficulties show men what they are.
In case of any difficulty,
remember that God has pitted you
against a rough antagonist
that you may be a conqueror,
and this cannot be without toil.
- Epictetus

Morality is of the highest importance -
but for us, not for God.
- Albert Einstein

Religion can be the enemy of God.
- Bono

You don't choose your family.
They are God's gift to you, as you are to them.
- Desmond Tutu

Believe that none of the effort you put
into coming closer to God is ever wasted -
even if in the end you don't achieve
what you are striving for.
- Rebbe Nachman of Breslov

Stupidity is also a gift of God,
but one mustn't misuse it.
- Pope John Paul II

Thank you for visiting these quotes and sayings. See more "Best Quotes."

Please sign up to receive my Free Daily Quotes Email on the form below.

Today is Your Day to Dance Lightly with Life.  It Really Is.
      - Jonathan Lockwood Huie