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George Carlin Quotes and Sayings
Quotes by George Carlin

One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin

Related topics: Funny Cynical Age

I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
- George Carlin

As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero,
he no longer is.
- George Carlin

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- George Carlin

I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out
where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
- George Carlin

I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin

Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
- George Carlin

If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
- George Carlin

Inside every cynical person,
there is a disappointed idealist.
- George Carlin

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
- George Carlin

I don't like to think of laws
as rules you have to follow,
but more as suggestions.
- George Carlin

Think of how stupid the average person is,
and realize half of them are stupider than that.
- George Carlin

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
- George Carlin

If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin

The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin

Honesty may be the best policy,
but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination,
dishonesty is the second-best policy.
- George Carlin

I love and treasure individuals as I meet them;
I loathe and despise the groups
they identify with and belong to.
- George Carlin

The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American
recently passed each other in opposite directions.
- George Carlin

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe,
then I'd have to say that the universe
aimed rather low and settled for very little.
- George Carlin

So far, this is the oldest I've been.
- George Carlin

The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
- George Carlin

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
- George Carlin

Capitalism tries for a delicate balance:
It attempts to work things out so that
everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from
getting violent and trying to take other people's stuff.
- George Carlin

One Quotes and Sayings

No one is free who is not master of himself.
- Epictetus

One can never speak enough of the virtues,
the dangers, the power of shared laughter.
- Francoise Sagan

All unhappiness comes from either
having less than yesterday,
or from having less than one's neighbor.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The simplification of life is one of the steps to inner peace.
A persistent simplification will create an inner and outer well-being
that places harmony in one's life.
- Peace Pilgrim

If you were a warrior,
you would know that the worst thing
one can do is confront human beings directly.
- Carlos Castaneda

Life does not consist mainly,
or even largely, of facts or happenings.
It consist mainly of the storm of thoughts
that is forever flowing through one's head.
- Mark Twain

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,
love leaves a memory no one can steal.
- From a headstone in Ireland

My heart bleeds at the death of every one of our gallant men.
- Robert E. Lee

Majority rule only works if you're also
considering individual rights,
because you can't have five wolves and one sheep
voting on what to have for dinner.
- Larry Flynt

Life must be lived and curiosity kept alive.
One must never, for whatever reason, turn his back on life.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Understanding does not cure evil,
but it is a definite help,
inasmuch as one can cope
with a comprehensible darkness.
- Carl Jung

Life was meant to be lived,
and curiosity must be kept alive.
One must never, for whatever reason,
turn his back on life.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

In great contests, each party claims to act
in accordance with the will of God.
Both may be, and one must be wrong.
- Abraham Lincoln

Truth is absolute, but only to one person.
My truth is absolute to me, and your truth is absolute to you.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Good for who? Good for what?
There is no absolute "good."
"Good" is simply one person's preference.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

NO ONE is really different;
each of us is actually a member of the human race.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Satisfaction of one's curiosity
is one of the greatest sources of happiness in life.
- Linus Pauling

Life only appears complicated when one is worrying.
Relax, and life becomes simple again.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If one does not understand a person,
one tends to regard him as a fool.
- Carl Jung

To be one, to be united is a great thing.
But to respect the right to be different is maybe even greater.
- Bono

The art of acceptance is the art of making someone
who has just done you a small favor
wish that he might have done you a greater one.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Doing an injury puts you below your enemy;
revenging one make you but even with him;
forgiving it sets you above him.
- Benjamin Franklin [attributed]

A man who dares to waste one hour of time
has not discovered the value of life.
- Charles Darwin

God has given you one face, and you make yourself another.
- William Shakespeare

The greatest weapon against stress
is our ability to choose one thought over another.
- William James

Life is a series of experiences,
each one of which makes us bigger,
even though sometimes it is hard to realize this.
- Henry Ford

The shoe that fits one person pinches another;
there is no recipe for living that suits all cases.
- Carl Jung

One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men.
No machine can do the work of one extraordinary man.
- Elbert Hubbard

No one is in control of your happiness but you;
therefore, you have the power to change anything
about yourself or your life that you want to change.
- Barbara De Angelis

Intolerance betrays want of faith in one's cause.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Everyone thinks of changing the world,
but no one thinks of changing himself.
- Leo Tolstoy

Everyone is a prisoner of his own experiences.
No one can eliminate prejudices -
just recognize them.
- Edward R. Murrow

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.
- Anais Nin

So divinely is the world organized that every one of us,
in our place and time, is in balance with everything else.
- Adam Acone

Real excellence and humility are
not incompatible one with the other,
on the contrary they are twin sisters.
- Jean Baptiste Lacordaire

To know yet to think that one does not know is best;
Not to know yet to think that one knows
will lead to difficulty.
- Lao Tzu

One never notices what has been done;
one can only see what remains to be done.
- Marie Curie

Life is like an onion:
you peel it off one layer at a time,
and sometimes you weep.
- Carl Sandburg

When one fully lives a life of acceptance,
life's vagaries are not merely tolerated,
but are received as a gift.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

There is no neutrality.
There is only greater or lesser
awareness of one's bias.
- Phyllis Rose

For to be free is not merely to cast off one's chains,
but to live in a way that respects
and enhances the freedom of others.
- Nelson Mandela

Each one prays to God according to his own light.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Having a personal opinion is great.
Believing that one's personal opinion is absolute truth
leads to most of the world's troubles.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light,
but by making the darkness conscious.
- Carl Jung

You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch

When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
- Walter Lippmann

When trouble arises and things look bad,
there is always one individual who perceives a solution
and is willing to take command.
Very often, that individual is crazy.
- Dave Barry

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Today is Your Day to Dance Lightly with Life.  It Really Is.
      - Jonathan Lockwood Huie