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God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is,
by Garrison Keillor

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is,
he's stuck with so many bad actors
who don't know how to play funny.
- Garrison Keillor

Related topics: Funny

Quotes by Garrison Keillor

Nothing you do for a child is ever wasted.
- Garrison Keillor

Thank you, God, for this good life
and forgive us if we do not love it enough.
- Garrison Keillor

We have nearly complete misunderstanding between
people of different faiths in Lake Wobegon,
and that's probably one reason why we get along so very well.
It's when you are trying to convince another person to think
the same way that you do that there is
friction and trouble between people.
But when you feel that the other person is
dumber than dirt, too dumb for words -
why waste your breath - you get along pretty well.
There's no bond between people that's quite so strong as
when people each feel slightly superior towards the other one.
- Garrison Keillor

God Quotes and Sayings

You may call God love, you may call God goodness.
But the best name for God is compassion.
- Meister Eckhart

I am prepared to meet my Maker.
Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal
of meeting me is another matter.
- Winston Churchill

God has given you one face, and you make yourself another.
- William Shakespeare

Mother is the name for God
in the lips and hearts of little children.
- William Makepeace Thackeray

Infinite striving to be the best is man's duty;
it is its own reward.
Everything else is in God's hands.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Each one prays to God according to his own light.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

In great contests, each party claims to act
in accordance with the will of God.
Both may be, and one must be wrong.
- Abraham Lincoln

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.
- Reinhold Niebuhr (Serenity Prayer)

God Loves an Open Mind, Clean Hands, and a Loving Heart.
So does Your Mother.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When one gets angry, it is always angry AT someone -
perhaps a friend or spouse, perhaps a stranger,
perhaps the nameless "they" - "those people at the bank wronged me,"
perhaps God, or perhaps oneself.
In any case, when one gets angry,
they want to find someone to be "responsible" for what happened.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I believe in God, only I spell it Nature.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

God is at play,
I am his modeling clay.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories

Part of our essential humanity is paying respect to what God gave us
and what will be here a long time after we're gone.
- William J. Clinton

I love to think of nature as an unlimited broadcasting station,
through which God speaks to us every hour, if we will only tune in.
- George Washington Carver

Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything beautiful,
for beauty is God's handwriting.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Every creature is a word of God.
- Meister Eckhart

God doesn't make junk.
- Anonymous

When the vast cathedral of our being
becomes a sanctuary for all creation,
we become the face of God.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

God has entrusted me with myself.
- Epictetus

Prayer doesn't change God, but changes him who prays
- Soren Kierkegaard

My religion is based on truth and non-violence.
Truth is my God. Non-violence is the means of realizing Him.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Believe that none of the effort you put
into coming closer to God is ever wasted -
even if in the end you don't achieve
what you are striving for.
- Rebbe Nachman of Breslov

Religion often gets in the way of God.
- Bono

Anger is something that each one of us has experienced -
some of us only occasionally, some almost daily.
Can we eliminate all anger? Probably not.
We will always have expectations,
and those expectations will often be unmet.
Disappointment is the principle cause of anger.
When we are disappointed, we look for someone to blame.
Declaring someone to be at fault is the nature of anger.
Anger is always directed at someone -
possibly toward God or the non-specific "they,"
but at some animate entity.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died.
Rather we should thank God that such men lived.
- George S. Patton

God helps them that help themselves.
- Algernon Sidney

God always takes the simplest way.
- Albert Einstein

The end of life is to be like God,
and the soul following God will be like Him.
- Socrates

There are people in the world so hungry,
that God cannot appear to them
except in the form of bread.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

But for my faith in God, I should have been a raving maniac.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

I do not believe that God has
imposed suffering upon anyone
to punish them or to teach them a lesson.
- Ernest Holmes

You don't choose your family.
They are God's gift to you, as you are to them.
- Desmond Tutu

Because we believe that our ethnic group,
our society, our political party, our God,
is better than your God, we kill each other.
- Neale Donald Walsch

It takes a long while for a naturally trustful person
to reconcile himself to the idea that
after all God will not help him
- H. L. Mencken

God reigns when we take a liberal view.
- Henry David Thoreau

I do not want to foresee the future.
I am concerned with taking care of the present.
God has given me no control over the moment following.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

I haven't got any special religion this morning.
My God is the God of Walkers.
If you walk hard enough,
you probably don't need any other god.
- Bruce Chatwin

If I am capable of grasping God objectively,
I do not believe, but precisely because
I cannot do this I must believe.
- Soren Kierkegaard

I distrust those people who know so well
what God wants them to do,
because I notice it always coincides
with their own desires.
- Susan B. Anthony

Friends are God's way of apologizing to us for our families.
- Anonymous

Religion can be the enemy of God.
- Bono

Friends are God's apology for relations.
- Hugh Kingsmille

To know God, watch a butterfly return to the same tree -
after a year and a thousand miles.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I am still amazed at how big, how enormous
a love and mystery God is -
and how small are the minds
that attempt to corral
this life force into rules and taboos,
cults and sects.
- Bono

From the solemn gloom of the temple
children run out to sit in the dust,
God watches them play and forgets the priest.
- Rabindranath Tagore

The function of prayer is not to influence God,
but rather to change the nature of the one who prays.
- Soren Kierkegaard

We can stand affliction better than we can prosperity,
for in prosperity we forget God.
- Dwight L. Moody

Reading about nature is fine, but if a person
walks in the woods and listens carefully,
he can learn more than what is in books,
for they speak with the voice of God.
- George Washington Carver

The self-assured believer is a greater sinner
in the eyes of God than the troubled disbeliever
- Soren Kierkegaard

Optimism is the harmony between man's spirit
and of God pronouncing His works good.
- Helen Keller

I left the "eye for an eye" God
when I walked out of Bible school,
but God Within is a daily part of my personal experience.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

There is no chance and anarchy in the universe.
All is system and gradation.
Every god is there sitting in his sphere.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I have lost my seven best friends,
which is to say that God has had mercy on me
seven times without realizing it.
He lent a friendship, took it from me, and sent me another.
- Jean Cocteau

Without music, life would be a mistake...
I would only believe in a God who knew how to dance.
- Friedrich Nietzsche

The universe must exist for the self-expression
of God and the delight of God.
- Ernest Holmes

Security is not the absence of danger,
but the presence of God,
no matter what the danger.
- Anonymous

A vow is a purely religious act
which cannot be taken in a fit of passion.
It can be taken only with a mind purified
and composed and with God as witness.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Stupidity is also a gift of God,
but one mustn't misuse it.
- Pope John Paul II

Man plans, God laughs
- Yiddish Proverb

I think wholeness is God's design for us;
and that often amounts to embracing contradictions.
- Bono

I'm not religious at all,
but I believe in God very strongly.
- Bono

God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers.
- Jewish Proverb

Friends are the siblings God never gave us.
- Mencius

I am a plain ordinary magnificent creation of God,
just like every other plain ordinary
mountain, ocean, tree, animal, and human.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Part of me suspects that I'm a loser,
and the other part of me thinks I'm God Almighty.
- John Lennon

Morality is of the highest importance -
but for us, not for God.
- Albert Einstein

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Today is Your Day to Dance Lightly with Life.  It Really Is.
      - Jonathan Lockwood Huie