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To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition. ...
by Woody Allen

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories

Related topics: Funny Movie Cynical

Quotes by Woody Allen

I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year
for cheating on my metaphysics final ...
I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

You want to do mankind a real service?
Tell funnier jokes.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories (1980)

A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)

All people know the same truth.
Our lives consist of how we chose to distort it.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

I'm going to go in the bathroom and scream.
I'll be out in a minute.
- the Woody Allen movie What's New Pussycat

I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage
is being able to make a right turn on a red light.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

Tradition is the illusion of permanence.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists?
In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
- Woody Allen

I don't believe in the after life,
although I am bringing a change of underwear.
- Woody Allen

I have a very low threshold of death.
My doctor says I can't have bullets enter my body at any time.
- the Woody Allen movie Casino Royale

The food at this place is really terrible ...
and such small portions.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

I've become the person I've always hated, but I'm happier.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

I'm awash in self-contempt!
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point

Eighty percent of success is showing up.
- Woody Allen

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
- Woody Allen

Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

There's nothing wrong with being afraid.
We were meant to be afraid.
- the Woody Allen movie Anything Else

One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
- Woody Allen

You have no values. With you its all nihilism,
cynicism, sarcasm, and orgasm.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

Money is better than poverty,
if only for financial reasons.
- Woody Allen

The lion and the calf shall lie down together,
but the calf won't get much sleep.
- Woody Allen

The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have,
instead of what you don't have.
- Woody Allen

I have a very pessimistic view of life.
You should know this about me if we're gonna go out.
You know, I - I feel that life is -
is divided up into the horrible and the miserable.
Those are the two categories, you know.
The - the horrible would be like, um,
I don't know, terminal cases, you know,
and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life.
It's amazing to me. You know, and the miserable is everyone else.
That's - that's - so - so - when you go through life -
you should be thankful that you're miserable
because you're very lucky to be miserable.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

It's just gossip, you know. Gossip is the new pornography.
- the Woody Allen movie Manhattan (1979)

You Quotes and Sayings

You are Never Too Old to Give or Get Gold Stars.
Show Your Honest Appreciation - Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
- John Lennon

You can't cross the sea merely by
standing and staring at the water.
- Rabindranath Tagore

If (s)he's an apple and you're an orange,
celebrate your differences -
make a great fruit salad.
Love isn't about being the same -
it's about being sweet with each other.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Never interrupt someone doing what you said couldn't be done.
- Amelia Earhart

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)

If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain

I love you just the way you are.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If you don't know where you're going,
any road will take you there.
- Lewis Carroll
(Alice in Wonderland)

What you resist, persists.
- Carl Jung

The pursuit of happiness is a most ridiculous phrase:
if you pursue happiness you'll never find it.
- C. P. Snow
happiness}

My Mama always said you've got to put the past behind you
before you can move on.
- the movie Forrest Gump

You can't stop the music, nobody can stop the music.
- Village People

Everything you say and do,
is a reflection of the inner you.
- Anonymous

Before moving on, you have to clear away your cherished beliefs.
- Dick Raymond

Life is a nurturing mother,
when you just remember to say "thank you."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is short,
Break the Rules.
Forgive quickly,
Kiss SLOWLY.
Love truly.
Laugh uncontrollably
And never regret
ANYTHING
That makes you smile
- Mark Twain

Life doesn't step on your toes when you Dance Lightly.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Majority rule only works if you're also
considering individual rights,
because you can't have five wolves and one sheep
voting on what to have for dinner.
- Larry Flynt

Life's a game, all you have to do is know how to play it.
- Anonymous

Between believing a thing and thinking you KNOW
is only a small step and quickly taken.
- Mark Twain

You can't change the past,
but you can ruin the present
by worrying about the future.
- Anonymous

Be prepared for life -
to live happily and without regret,
knowing that you have done your best.
- the Boy Scout Handbook

Don't Take Anything Personally.
Nothing others do is because of you.
- Miguel Angel Ruiz (don Miguel Ruiz)

Life is greater than you have ever known it.
- Ernest Holmes

People don't care how much you know
until they know how much they care.
- John C. Maxwell

The true meaning of life is to plant trees,
under whose shade you do not expect to sit.
- Nelson Henderson

A divorce is like an amputation:
you survive it, but there's less of you.
- Margaret Atwood

Footprints in the sands of time...
Where have you been?
Where are you going?
Why are you going there?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When you lose touch with yourself,
you lose yourself in the world.
- Eckhart Tolle

Truth is absolute, but only to one person.
My truth is absolute to me, and your truth is absolute to you.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Doing an injury puts you below your enemy;
revenging one make you but even with him;
forgiving it sets you above him.
- Benjamin Franklin [attributed]

Nothing others do is because of you.
What others say and do is a projection of their own reality.
- don Miguel Ruiz

Change what you see,
by changing how you see.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It is neither wealth nor splendor;
but tranquility and occupation which give you happiness.
- Thomas Jefferson

Stand Tall, Stand Proud.
Know that you are unique and magnificent.
You do not need the approval of others.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It's a funny thing about life;
if you refuse to accept anything but the best,
you very often get it.
- W. Somerset Maugham

You get what you settle for.
- the character Louise in the movie Thelma and Louise

The WORK
1.Is it true?
2.Can you absolutely know that it's true?
3.How do you react when you think that thought?
4.Who would you be without the thought?
- Byron Katie

If you fear making anyone mad,
then you ultimately probe for
the lowest common denominator of human achievement.
- Jimmy Carter

When you feel worried and depressed,
consciously form a smile on your face and act upbeat
until the happy feeling becomes genuine.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Nothing other people do is because of you.
It is because of themselves
- don Miguel Ruiz

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Today is Your Day to Dance Lightly with Life.  It Really Is.
      - Jonathan Lockwood Huie