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Marriage Quotes and Sayings
Quotes about Marriage

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

Related topics: Funny

Every good relationship, especially marriage, is based on respect.
If it's not based on respect,
nothing that appears to be good will last very long.
- Amy Grant

Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck

Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage -
they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner

Marriage is a wonderful institution,
but who would want to live in an institution?
- H. L. Mencken

The formula for achieving a successful relationship is simple:
you should treat all disasters as if they were trivialities
but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster.
- Quentin Crisp

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
- Henny Youngman

Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West

The four most important words in any marriage...
"I'll do the dishes."
- Anonymous

Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.
- Anonymous

A divorce is like an amputation:
you survive it, but there's less of you.
- Margaret Atwood

A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler

Make sure you never, never argue at night.
You just lose a good night's sleep,
and you can't settle anything until morning anyway.
- Rose Kennedy

I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police
because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife.
- Ilie Nastase

Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

I have often wanted to drown my troubles,
but I can't get my wife to go swimming.
- Anonymous

When people get married because they think
it's a long-time love affair,
they'll be divorced very soon,
because all love affairs end in disappointment.
But marriage is a recognition of a spiritual identity.
- Joseph Campbell

A dream you dream alone is only a dream.
A dream you dream together becomes reality.
- John Lennon

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does.
Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up.
- James A. Baldwin

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner

Always remember the three magic words: You're right dear.
- Anonymous

A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

The Wedding March always reminds me of the music
played when soldiers go into battle.
- Heinrich Heine

Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein

When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland

The greatest roadblock to a great relationship
is trying to force a partner to change through bribes or threats.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
- Phyllis Diller

A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill

They have come up with a perfect understanding.
He won't try to run her life,
and he won't try to run his, either.
- Anonymous

A Great Relationship is the Dance of Two Great Lives.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I was married by a judge.
I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx

Husbands should be like Kleenex:
soft, strong, and disposable.
- the movie Clue (1985)

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

When I eventually met Mr. Right
I had no idea that his first name was Always.
- Rita Rudner

He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor

My husband melted my heart the day he asked me,
"Can I participate in your wonder?"
In whose wonder do you get to participate today?
- Mary Anne Radmacher

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West

My Loved One
You are my ground and you are my rainbow.
You are my butterfly and you are my ecstasy.
You are the start of my journeys and always my destination.
You are my home - the place to which I always return.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

In a relationship, when does the art of compromise become compromising?
- Sarah Jessica Parker

Not everyone is always going to like what you do.
Your job application, your book proposal,
your offer of marriage is going to
get rejected sometimes - perhaps often.
Your boss, your spouse, even the person
behind you in the supermarket checkout line
is occasionally going to think that you are doing it all wrong.
Don't take it personally.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

There is no substitute for the comfort supplied
by the utterly taken-for-granted relationship.
- Iris Murdoch

Each relationship nurtures a strength or weakness within you.
- Mike Murdock

Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck.
If you live through it, you start looking
very carefully to the right and to the left.
- Jean Kerr

I used to tell my husband that,
if he could make me "understand" something,
it would be clear to all the other people in the country.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes
in the hope of pulling out an eel.
- Leonardo da Vinci

There are four stages in a marriage.
First there's the affair,
then the marriage,
then children
and finally the fourth stage,
without which you cannot know a woman, the divorce.
- Norman Mailer

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
- Groucho Marx

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times,
always with the same person.
- Germaine Greer

When you make the sacrifice in marriage,
you're sacrificing not to each other
but to unity in a relationship.
- Joseph Campbell

To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash

A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous

Marriage is neither heaven nor hell,
it is simply purgatory.
- Abraham Lincoln

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
- Samuel Johnson [also attributed to Oscar Wilde]

The one who loves the least, controls the relationship.
- Robert Anthony

For a happy marriage,
love and accept your spouse just the way they are.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I think men who have a pierced ear
are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner

By all means marry.
If you get a good wife, you'll be happy.
If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher
and that is a good thing for any man.
- Socrates

Marriage, ultimately, is the practice of
becoming passionate friends.
- Harville Hendrix

Love your spouse as they are,
and forgive them everything.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Every relationship is just so tenuous and precarious.
- Larry David

One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche

If you have been divorced, you know it hurts -
especially if your marriage had lasted many years.
Whatever the circumstances of your relationship,
and whatever the nature of its ending,
there is always grief and regret -
perhaps regret over the ending,
or perhaps regret over not ending the relationship sooner -
or perhaps both.
Nonetheless, move past the grief and regret.
No matter how painful, divorce, like all endings,
opens the door to new beginnings.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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Today is Your Day to Dance Lightly with Life.  It Really Is.
      - Jonathan Lockwood Huie